Funny

(Courtesy of Nik for this)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats andReeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis,does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you giveus an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin laid!

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

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And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

HAHAHA i still laugh whenever i read this.

Ok people, sleep tite (if you are in the UK time zone), nighty nights!

p/s : Kekwa(the one in baju belang2 mcm banduan penjara kekek) passed her final specialist Exam today! Alhamdulillah ^^

GUGU GAGGGGAA!!

Akum people,

If you happen to come across a medical student’s blog before, you’ll definitely come across the term OSCE. It is basically to assess our examination skill i.e cardio, respi, abdo, neuro etc.

Come 4th year, the modules we are studying are more specialized than before. One of them is Pediatrics (Child Health). Only for Paeds, the OSCE is at the end of the 5 weeks placement. Other modules like my last Psychiatry will be assessed either in Feb or May.

As with all OSCEs, the best way to excel is to practice endlessly. One of us acts as a patient, one as a medical student who carries out the examination.

So, today, Fara wanted to practice her OSCE skill. Since Manja had to prepare for her study group tomorrow, that left me with no option, but to take out the responsibility to act out as Fara’s patient.

Ok fine, becoming a patient is not a big deal. Well..NOT UNTIL YOU HAD TO ACT LIKE A BABY WHEN YOUR PHYSIQUE IS THE SIZE OF A BIG ADULT!!!!!!

And when I said act like a baby, I SERIOUSLY MEAN act LIKE A BABY! 6 months? 1 year? 3 years? 18 months? Sume Na belakon! OMG sangat rasa terencat (=______=)’

There’s this particular station tomorrow to assess the child’s developmental milestone. So, the medical student has to play with the baby/toddler and assess her gross motor skill, fine motor skill, social skill etc and come up with a rough idea how old the little kid is.

So, as a practice, I had to act out randomly any age of a baby/toddler and Fara had to play with me, while she konon2 explain to an invisible examiner.

So, here is a list of thing I had to act out for a baby at the age of 6 month’s old ;

1) Sits up with support.
2) Enjoys standing and jumping.
3) Rolls over prone to supine
4) May show 'stranger shyness'.
5) Takes stuff to mouth.
6) Finds feet interesting
7) Double syllable sounds such as 'mama' and 'dada'.
8) Laughs in play.
9) Screams with annoyance.

Yes I know, OMAGAD. (=____________=)’

Anyway, Fara had to assess the gross motor skill, which at this age includes “Pulls self up to sit or stand;

Scene : Fara atas katil, Na kena merangkak2 tepi katil mcm budak kurang kasih sayang tsk.

Fara : Occayy!! Let’s try to put you on your feet!!! !* pura-pura happy-go-lucky utk main budak2 cet*

Na : Gugu Gagaaaa!! Mammaaa! Mammmmaa! *clap clap clap*

*Fara pegang tangan Na, and konon2 angkat mcm kita slalu buat tateh kat baby2 tu*

Na : Babbbbbaa!! Kakakaka! Bababbbbaaaaa!! Ngeeeeeeeeee heheheh *ni budak paling tak comel dkt dunia*

Fara : Occayyyyy, one two threeee!! Tatehhh! Taaaaaaaaaa…..*angkat tangan Na*…taaaattteee *angkat Na* taaaaa…ttteeeee………warghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh berat gileeeeeeeeee baby ni!!!!!

Na : HAHAHAHAHAHA kate suruh blakon betul2!!! Aku pulun laaaa buat lembik sungguh HAHAHAHA.

Fara : Kalau baby besar gedabak camni esok, pengsan aku weh!

Hahaha so yes, that basically how it went. AND THAT FOR 5 HOURS!

Thanks to too much crawling as a giant baby, now I am having back pain. Tsk

My turn for Paeds Osce this February, Im going to force her to become a baby who can only mengengsot on the floor. Kehkehkeh

Those Days

Suzie is sitting for her SPM tomorrow ^^

Oh it feels like ages ago, since my very own SPM days.

Never in my life, even in a university now, have I regarded an exam as important as SPM. SPM to me, was like a life-changing path that I had to cross. Excel, I’d have the MARA scholarship to do medicine overseas. Anything below that was never an option for me.

You see, I, myself was never a top student, for as long as I could remember. I was never in the top 3. NEVER. Going up the stage to accept scrolls from the Sultan was definitely not the sort of thing I was used to. School otherwise, was like a playground for me.

5 A’s in UPSR was nothing to brag about when you had millions of other students with the same results. PMR 8 A’s was nothing more than just a paper to prove the school intensive extra classes finally paid off.

I was enthralled, of course I was. Smiling from ear to ear, and being on the cover of newspapers was definitely a moment to cherish.

But my moment of happiness was nothing compared to those of SPM top achievers.

And me, I wanted to be one of them.

Since then, my whole virtue changed 180 degrees. By hook or by crook, I needed to leave this school with a result that could earn me a scholarship. Even if it not, I needed to at least pose with my SPM result on a newspaper. Yes, I know it sounded shallow, but funny thing was, that was the thing that kept me motivated.

I studied hard. I really did.

And the road was an easy and smooth one for me, especially when Abah and Mama were very supportive.

Every evening, I would wait patiently for Abah to come home from clinic. Every problem in misunderstanding anything, I jotted them down on a piece of paper. Abah would come to my room, and then we would discuss together for as long as time would allow us. I was lucky to have a father whom I could talk just about anything under the sun, from History to Physics to Economics.

Every day, Mama would cook my favourite dishes. I had the veto power what should be served during every meal. Mama loved to cook, so she was more than happy to try some interesting recipes for me. Lunch with Nasi Beriyani, tea with Bihun Hailam and dinner with Nasi Kerabu served with Ayam Percik. Putting on weight was a compulsory phase that each of us siblings, had to go through every exam time.

Every night, Abah and Mama would accompany me as I stayed up the whole night studying. Of course they were sleeping while I burned the midnight oil up until 3-4 in the morning. But having them in the same room as me, was more than I could have asked for, especially being such a coward myself.

And every exam day, Mama would recite Yassin the very exact time I started answering any paper. I don’t know if it was psychological, but it definitely gave me the confidence that I needed. Mama was even there with me in school, while I sat for Perdagangan paper alone. (I was the only who took the subject). She was there all the time, in the surau next to the hall I was in, waiting for me, while I was struggling to squeeze every fact I have installed in my brain.

Having such supportive parents, I had nothing to repay them back, but to promise to come back home with a result to be proud off.

And Alhamdulillah, my hard work and their support were paid off. I got what I wished for. =)

When newspaper and television journalists probed me a very simple question, what was my recipe for success..I was dumbfounded.

Of course, studying hard was undeniably the reason. Then again, deep down, I believed, the strongest recipe I could think off, was none other than, having such amazing parents like Abah and Mama.

But that, I guess, wasn’t a recipe afterall. It was a gift from God. A special gift that I could not be anymore grateful than I am right now.

Thank you Abah and Mama.

Thank You Allah.

So Suzie, I wish you all the best. And Kekna akan baca yassin dekat suzie every day k?

p/s : And I bagged the No 1 spot, finally. Alhamdulillah =)